{ }
3:25 PM • Sunday, April 3, 2011
after so long,u're stil giving d same old excuse? almost 5months jor ah...!!! i meet u once a month after cny!!!! i noe u're bz all those flying all those business trip,im ok.. u're start acting like,u dun even bother to care! hiding am making me tired 2.. pigi jln ipoh for supper after 2 also cannot? takut bump into his frenz y nt u jus chain me in ur hse,u feel safer tat way? im not 4042 call gal k? when u free onli call me,i cant even get u bak for a call?! all i hav is, "boo im bz,nt convenient to talk..i call u bak TOMORROW k? love u boo" when im pissed n wanted to leave..here comes ur drama " boo u dun luv me anymore? i'll try my best for us, give time pls.. i really luv u..i cant lose u.." scene 2 "boo u dun1 me anymore?k..i noe.. JUS LET ME DIE,without boo meaningless" dah 31 main mati pulak..how many times u hav 2 repeat those dialogs? bii,i dun nit ur 24 hour i dun nit 2 c u every single day i noe both of us r bz,but 24hour u sure hav few min free rite? i noe u said 2011 will b a bz year for u.. its onli april n i feel shakey. how can i stand til end of d year? we used 2 meet twice a week,worst once a week now?! once a month?!!! n u seems nt 2 call for dayz!! if im jus a part time y nt u release my freedom? im onli 23 i cant b ur parrot i nit a man tat make me feel,im worth for him even thr's another gal u treat me like a princess i noe..i noe u gave me dy best but i cant take it anymore.. im nt forcing u 2 let her go..i jus wan u 2 come bak as my bii tat i knew last year tat old man tat calls me jus 2 ask bout my daily routine,d guy who text me every morning n nite! u never voice up ur tonne no matter wat until tis fri, i was playing fooling around vu.. guess wat? ur tonne went higher i hated it! jus 1 short sentence "boo at dono!" u dun feel anythin but i do!! im leaving,if u care bout tis relationship..start mking me feel im worth it lil g,u're no longer lil anymore n im nt 18 22 too!

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1:56 PM • Saturday, March 26, 2011
sat nite n im siting in front v u,my dear lappie
dam,i feel super sick
feel throwing up,pain comes n go like tsunami. suka suka kasi u mati
dun ask me wats goin on,im 2 tired,i guess im 2 sick to explain

wats goin on recently?
top racing enterprise of mine,stable jor..sis taking over
resign from skul,goin bak 2 kl
wat 2 do,i luv teaching but tak cukup i pakai la..
i noe i hav top racing but i reali wanna go out thr n look around
im onli 23,n i hav 2 settle down v my own business?
im 2 fresh
im nt ready yet,im not like my sis 25 owns her own yenee ng event com n now she's 27 she's a stable business woman. tat's y am nt taking over top racing..temporary kasi kakak jaga

moving up 2 kl = everything crawl from bottom!
no more backup from dadi n any1!
no even 1 penny!
YES! u tak tgok salah,i meant it!
blh ker i ni?
hello,i tinggal kat kl dah 4 tahun la..
i came bak from kl on april10,baru setahun i balik jer..
dun treat me like a dadi's gal la..
im a cry baby doesnt mean apa pun cannot lo!!

{ Move On - Bruno Mars (2010) }
3:02 PM • Tuesday, December 7, 2010

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2:45 PM •
sometimes holding on too tight might make thing worst..
tis is wat i learn recently
like my mum always say, im too stubborn on certain things n make my life diff
i guess is time to let go dy previous relationship wer every1 is hoping tat it can be repair
sori guyz,end of dy day he's nt my right 1?
"loving some1 doesnt mean tat u hav 2 belongs them right?"
if he's hapi with his decision,i hav 2 rescept n move on
even it sux like hell,seriously i dono y i dont even hate him til now
perhaps tears washes all those words n act he had done
OR to blame, ME MYSELF
im nt perfect enuf for him,n with tat he wud just easily let go me

AH~~~ life now is seriously dam buzy
like nian shan always say i work 3 jobs n onli for 1 pay
wat 2 do,family come 1st no matter how
seriously schedule is worst than dads n sis!!
mum say its go tat i can keep myself tis bz n no time flashing unwanted memories
im nt very sure bout tat,no matter how bz thr's a point he'll flash in my mind
just let it be la..
i did my best,its up 2 him

thank GOD im stil teaching...
those kids reali brighten my life,after wat i lost
i lost mine but life stil move on (tat delete button is thr waiting or me)
wonder how my child will look like le?

time for injection tomolo!!!
yer... T.T


{ SNSD Taeyeon - Byul (200 pounds beauty ost) }
4:31 PM • Saturday, September 25, 2010

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3:38 PM •
did i told u guys tat my dream is to get married?
seriously.. every1's ambition were diff
for example my 3 kam cheng:
wendy wanted to b a dancer,karen wanted 2 b a singer,mei yen's dream is to earn lots of lots of money n mine?
i just wan a guy,who loves me n hav my own family tat simple
i got no ambition at all,no those teacher,businessman,model...

recently i found out i gav up my dream
i dare not dream anymore
i quit!!!!
stop dreaming bout wedding's,kids...future hse wife... GONE everything

who made me do so?
is me myself...
last few week i went G6 had few drinks,chit chat,see see(not fishing)^^
frankie n i, we had a lil chat out @ the balcony.i hav no idea how we end up discussing bout marriage tis issue,it came out from no whr!!! okok...let me recall it bak.....( tik tok tik tok....rewind.....)
oh ya, he asked y i gav up on love...
(then skip skip skip....) long story la..
overall thnx 2 frankie i woke up
ask urself wat marriage meant to u?
a contract?
both party loves each other is much more important than a stupid contract tat we name it as marriage.
u can get married n easily u can divorce tomorrow rite?

another point is we cant predict not only future but tomorrow
can u tell me how ur sunday(tomolo) will be?
i can be death tomorrow,im serious

i skip few treatment since tioman
im not playing v my life neither my health
im just busy ( ok,u'll be thinkin like ya rite bz konon...!)
i stop taking med,excersice n healthy meals
meaningless doin so much while u dun even noe,wats goin on the next day!
my body starts to be weaker n weaker
my breathing getting heavier n heavier
n guess wat my fingers starts 2 cramp
i am affair to be dead
but at tis point if God wants me,i hav 2 accept rite?

i am tired getting sick
sick of those medicine,injections...
tis few days i did ask myself wat did i achieve for so long?
i onli noe how 2 make ppl worry bout me
useless rite?
i dare not tell any1 how i felt
like brendan said : Sometimes, you just cant tell anybody how you really feel, not bcus you dont know why, not bcus you dont know your purpose, not bcus yount dont trust them, But bcus you cant find the right words to make them Understand

u understand how i felt after lukas left?
u understand how i felt living tis sick body?
u understand how i hav 2 act strong in front of every1 while im not?
i hav 2 swallow all those tears n words by myself
every nite i slept v tears

am i lonely?
im surrounded by ppl but i cant feel safe at all
some times i dun dare 2 stay in hse,i dun1 mum 2 worry bout me
few times i end up driving in highway driving to no were
n few times i drove to his place. not on purpose,just tat my brain gps lead me thr
did i saw him?
nope not once since we broke up
everytime also mid nite,ppl also close shop dy la

11.13pm 25 sept 2010- i think at tis time he shud be closing tat shop dy.. wondering wat wil he be doin after.
will he forget bout our relationship?
will he forget bout tat 4 months ago he did told me he loves me?
will he forget bout me?
will he?
i am afraid of he'll delete me from his memory

{ }
5:00 PM • Wednesday, September 8, 2010
hardly recall wat date is today.
im way 2 lazy to remember things
somehow i just wan to stop using my brain,so tat it wont function n finali it wont remind me of him

tis year's bday was an ordinary day
for 21 years,tis 22 i never gt excited bout anything
perhaps i noe ntg special wil come.
i did off my mobile on gmt: 0000 27/8 - 0000 28/8
i did not wan any wishes of HAPPY birthday tis combination thr's a word call HAPPY n im not
eventhough the mobile is off but i did re-on it back every 2 hour,giving myself another excuse which im hoping for just a simple bday wishing from him.
guess wat...
it never happened...
perhaps he is way 2 bz v his life forgetting bout his EX's bday rite?
i admit i am hiding myself away from him
he is living his life way happier than mine ( i assume)
perhaps he is aimming another new target..
stop thinking positive thing coz tat is all excuse to urself ng yen ting!!!!

!2days ago he send me a mms, a pic of myself.
which i took it with his phoneit was 4am
i saw it early in da morning around 11am
i dare not reply coz i dono wat tat text means
for the whole day my brain kept finding answer
*perhaps his gf wan me to stay away from him,tat's y she send a mms warning to me?
but i did not contact him like since.... ok,way 2 long....i cudnt remember
* perhaps he wanted to send my pic to his gf(both of them gossiping bout me?)
but he ter-send to me
i dono!!
!i just text him back like 12 hours later,telling him not 2 bug me...
he did not reply n i treat it as he did send to the wrong person
i did aim bout the gf issue,i said.. " is better tat we stay away from each other,hopefully ur gf dun misunderstood us..."but he did not reply o wan to prove to me tat he is single

guess wat!
i skip like 2month for my check up
ok, promise to myself after like.......raya?

i dono whether my heart can handle the fact tat he now belongs to another gal..i really dono how i can face itim breaking apart since we broke up n tis happen... i'll just deactive fb n start playing v life again?

I DONO!!!!!
seriously i am..
11.33pm-he shud finish his job rite now(cheng2)
*mayb all set up to date v his gal
11.33pm- all alone (yen)

his daily routine:without activity
sleeps around 12-2am
wake up around 2.30-3.30

50% of my brain is functioning for him
the whole day were raining,wind were strong( hopefully he din catch a cold)
i was staring at the sky...telling myself even the sky is dark n cold eventually the sun wil shine after a huge rain

{ }
2:58 PM • Thursday, August 12, 2010
all these years bday n xmas were the most important n excited day for me
tis year it aint gonna be the same
mum asked wat's my plan for tis year? u shud hav tonnes of ppl want 2 celebrate with u uh? party til dawn again?
i replied no. i just wan to stay in hse
mum never ask why. perhaps she noes y

birthday tis year is the worst
ya,i thought i'll spend my 1st ever bday with him but..
i never blame him for letting me go just like tat, seriously i dun noe why

i cant control wats happening,i cant turn back time,i cant force him
just blame tat i fell in love with a guy after 4 years living in " dun trust love" life
i carry tis 4 years burden,telling.. reminding myself to never fall in love,coz those pain u'll remember forever
those pain cant carry off by tears
those pain will carry u to fear

AHHH~~wat to do?
i did fall in love after 4years
n tis time i fell even worst even deeper
perhaps i found wat i wan in him
loving some1 is not bout his outlook, not bout how wealthy he is...
is bout...
(gosh..y am crying again?)
is bout...
is bout all the laughter n happiness he brings 2 u

send a msg to GOD tell HIM to delete him for my mind n heart can?
i really cant stand it anymore
why u hav 2 be so selfish?
tell me why
why u hav 2 love me then just let me off?
i really am hating myself
i have to act FINE WHILE IM NOT


tell me why am i hurting myself again n again
loving someone who dont even cares
wat did i did?
wat shud i do?

{ life goes on.. }
4:28 PM • Saturday, May 29, 2010
it had been ages...
quit my blog for sumtime..
few years back blog was my only thing which i can express myself..
perhaps im bak?

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, savour you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it will not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky, and want, more than all the world, your return."

i dun think u'll return in future
i just dun noe y everytime when i start typing my blog i'll end up in tears..
jus d dam old feeling..

i reali miss summer n tracy
but both in 2 diff places
1 kat canada,1 kat nz
4 years bak i gt both of them,slapping me asking me 2 stay awake
living all alone at nite talking 2 myself,fearing tis fearing tat reali make me nuts!
i reali dun understand

living life rite now make me feel useless..
waking up,bath,brunch,tv, check on d clock whether is 2.30 anot (jus wan 2 take excuse 2 look 4 him) bak 2 bed, check on hp, tv,check on hp again( i noe he's nt goin 2 text u) im d only idiot fella who putting hope 2 myself... dinner,fb n bak 2 bed
did i mention bout all d med n shots?
its 11.39 pm is way way pass my rest time but im stil awake

tis few days im in a new fear!
FEAR of thr's no tomolo
heart beat is way nt normal,breathing is way heavy n body condition is way not fine
n worst part i hav 2 act normal in front of mum n dad
i noe i shud let them noe..
but i jus dun1 2 make them worry
dying is easy,but jus giv me a warning 1st can?
jus giv me 24 hour,let me finish all my will n u can take me v YOU
im serious...
wat i reali wan for now?
his laugh again
silly rite?

{ }
4:47 PM • Saturday, June 27, 2009

Lu Guang Zhong aka my new bf

Name: Lu Guang Zhong

Chinese Name: 盧廣仲

Nickname: Vitas

Birthplace: Tainan, Taiwan

Occupation: Singer, Composer

School Attended: Tamkang University (majoring in Spanish)

Date of Birth: 15 July 1986

Horoscope: Cancer

Blood Type: O

Height: 173 cm

Weight: 65 kg

Nationality: Taiwanese

Grew up listening to: Whitney Houston, Michael Bolton, Boyz II Men

Favourite food: Breakfasts

Favourite Music: Western, Rock and Jazz music

Favourite School Beauty: Gui Lun Mei

Favourite Quote:YAH~We have to eat breakfast everyday!

Links: His Blog

Released singles/album: Good Morning (April 13, 2007); College's Blues (August 24, 2007); 100 Ways of Living (June 3, 2008)


He was a Spanish major at Tamkang University, nicknamed Vitas because of a Youtube clip of himself he put up imitating Russian singer Vitas, known for his high voices. Thus a "Vitas" trend was created as his clip became famous. After he got into a car accident he spent a long period of time in the hospital, and during that time he picked up guitar and soon after began composing songs and joined competitions. He eventually won the champion at Tamkang University for a song contest in which he sang one of his own compositions, then he won a ChengDa University Golden Melody Prize for composing and singing as well as an award for Most Popular Contestant. His single "Yuan Ming" released in 2006 also won him a Hito Music Award. From then he began a series of mini-concerts at breakfast joints and schools.He released 3 singles and one of his hit single "Good Morning!" was one of the Taiwan Music Workers Association picks for the 10 best songs of 2007, and that single sold around 10,000 copies.

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4:12 PM • Saturday, March 21, 2009

i like 2 present 2 u..
u r invited 2 MR LOH WAI LEONG and MS TAN THAI LINK's wedding dinner @ restoran hai thiam lo,klg on sat 21st march,2009.

so fast time flies..
3 years ago,v used 2 skipped class 2gather,than go kp for prawn mee, go her hse 4 ktv,steamboat,bbq, mah jung..
she's ah leong's wife..
seriously 1st time in life,gua..~GUA.. nagis ah.. @ ppls wedding dinner..
thai link la~~
sing song sing half,(piang)cry like no body's business..
kind of miss those time we spend 2 gather..
seriously from bottom of my heart,i wish u 2 hav a wonderful life 2gather til end ~~

{ }
4:56 PM • Sunday, March 8, 2009

YES~!U R RITE~! HE'S MR. KIM SOON @AH PUI PUI OF MINE..(long story bout de nick of his)
he eats~!! omg...thank god~!!
heheheh... force him 2 eat tat sui mai while sending me bak 2 cheras
kesian ah pui pui, but tat sui mai reali veri delicious ma..but bit costy. 6 smal round round sui mai cost me $5.20 le~~!!
my waffle more cheap..
hheheh i noe la..pudu de waffle cheaper..but nice le..

{ }
4:22 PM •
last last sat...(28/2) shy had a gathering 4 us... say gathering la..but is shy wan spend us eat (she's married!!) serious...yes~! SHY! erm..few of us came,even brendan from penang came, the busiest man on earth matthew n derrick also came n lastly me~!i flew from klg to kl jus 4 de gathering.. haih...wat 2 do..shy appointment us d..mus giv face lo...

{ }
3:20 PM • Tuesday, February 10, 2009
last year b4 xmas(forgot date d..) around 12nov kua,me n few galfren of mine we bag pack 2 singapore.. it was fun..mayb 1st time oversea v my own frenz.. every1 will b thinking..aiya,yen go sg sure party like rock star de.. eh..u guyz wrong lao lo.. i shoppin like a rock star got la.. kekeke...

best curry puff ever n ever n ever..expensive la
oldest mcd..
eh...wat place d har?
wei..tolong sikit la..berat tao..
best of all~~
naza n i..raffle's hotel

best curry puff ever~!
cute le..who say im ugly?
sg~sg~(shake head)
reali meh?tat when i cover half of my face im prettier? am i tat ugly?
mei mei n i @orchard road shoppin
camwhore time
yer..ugly~~mei mei la..
tired man~~mei mei n i @guest house mao mandi,fight for tidor place,n tidor..ekkekeke
again...mei mei~~i gonna kill u~!
yeah yeah~~chinatown
royal challenge rox~~ have a break have a rotal challenge! onli available @lil india ,sg mamak
small eye,big eye...wat happen 2 me la..
i love tis stall~~ mus mus visit if u drop by china town

4D3N-1st night at prince of whales
outside of insomia
kuan yin temple v rina-pray pray for good luck
orchard road
t junction chinatown-sikit sesat
mao balik guest house lao lo..
de obama sign-rina
mei mei,naza n me-tired d take a rest @ suntec

merlion-i love my lil red kung fu shoe~haiyak~!!

4D3N-1 party onli @ insomia
wat de hack r we goin? naza n me in mrt,moving from lil india to bugis
mei mei ah yi n me in mrt..pindah rumah
all of us~~sakai-ing in mrt. left-me,naza,mei mei,elsa,rina
china town templev mei mei,naza n ang mo..
im bringing sexy back~yeah~(not in japan ah..sg)
hapi~~finali we found china town~~!!

fountain of wealth
in da bus v mei mei. on de way to china town
naza tak habis habis dengan air pancut dia tu~~kampung la..

photograher i 2 busy taking picture..she(mei mei) say im pretty if i cover half of my face..swt~~
2nd night-in our room.left:me,rina,mei mei


Nevermind what haters say
Ignore them 'til they fade away
Amazing they ungreat for after
all the games I gave away
Safe to say I paved the way
for you can't get paid today
You still be wasting days away
had I never saved the day
Consider them my protégé how
much I think they should pay
Instead of being gracious
they violated and made you wait